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Today's jokes [6.4.11]

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The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals. When they have all 
assembled at the Vatican, he takes them into the meeting hall and 
states, "I have some really fantastic news and some very terrible news." 
Of course, all the cardinals want to hear the good news first, so the 
Pope tells them, "Jesus Christ has returned to the world. The time of 
judgement is at hand, and our faith in his existence is justified."

After the commotion dies down a bit, one of the cardinals speaks up, 
asking what the terrible news is. The Pope replies, "He was calling
from Salt Lake City."

1. 




There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful 
teenage daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son 
they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally 
became pregnant, and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine 
months later. 

The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He 
took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever 
seen. 
 
He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be 
the father of that child. 

 
"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her 
a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?" 

The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time"! 

2. 




Why did the chicken cross the road?

- To escape an oppressive military regime.

3. 




What's the difference between women and men?

One has morning sickness, the other has morning stiffness.

4. 




A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, 
their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they 
made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they 
fell asleep, awakening around 8.00 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, 
he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the 
grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. 

He slipped into his shoes and drove home. 
 
Where have you been!" demanded his wife when he entered the house. 
 
"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my 
secretary, and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and 
didn't wake up until 8.00 p.m." 
 
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! 
You've been playing golf!!"

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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