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Today's jokes [6.3.11]

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While they were taking up the collection, John leaned forward and said, 
"Hey, Marie, how about you and me go to dinner next Friday?" 
"Why Yes, John, that would be nice," said Marie. 

Well, John couldn't believe his luck. All week long he polished up his 
car, and on Friday he picked up Marie and took her to dinner, the 
finest restaurant in Raleigh. When they sat down, John looked over at 
Marie said, "Hey, Marie, would you like a cocktail before dinner?" 

"Oh, no, John, "said Marie. "What would I tell my Sunday School class?" 

Well, John was setback a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. 
Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. 
"Hey, Marie," said John, "Would you like a smoke?" 

"Oh, no, John," said Marie. "What would I tell my Sunday School class?" 

Well, John was feeling pretty low after that, so he just got in his car 
and was driving Marie home when they passed the Holiday Inn. He'd 
struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose. 

"Hey, Marie," said John, "how would you like to stop at this motel with 
me?" 

"Sure, John, that would be nice," said Marie. 

Well, John couldn't believe his luck. He did a U-turn right then and 
there across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and 
checked in with Marie. 

The next morning John got up first. He looked at Marie lying there in 
the bed. 

"What have I done? What have I done?" thought John. 

He shook Marie and she woke up. "Marie, I've got to ask you one thing, 
said John. "What are you going to tell your Sunday School class?" 

Marie said, "The same thing I always tell them......... You don't have 
to smoke and drink to have a good time.

1. 




US Attorney General John Ashcroft was visiting an elementary school.
After fifteen minutes speaking he says: 'I will now answer any
questions you have.' Bobby stands up and says: 'I have four questions':

1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore?             
2. Why haven't you caught Osama bin Laden?                               
3. Why are you using the American Patriot Act to limit civil liberties?
4. Where are the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?

Just then the bell goes and the kids rushed out to play. Upon 
returning, Mr Ashcroft said: "I am sorry we were interrupted. I will 
answer any questions you have.' A little girl called Julie stands up
and says: 'I have six questions':

1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore?             
2. Why haven't you caught Osama bin Laden?                               
3. Why are you using the American Patriot Act to limit civil liberties?
4. Where are the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?                    
5. Why did the bell ring twenty minutes early?
6. Where is Bobby?

2. 




A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed:
"Come and bury my wife."

"But I buried your wife ten years ago," replied the undertaker.

"I got married again," the man sobbed.

"Oh," said the undertaker. "Congratulations."

3. 




A woman asks: "Why don't men get mad cow disease?"

Another woman replies: "Because men are pigs!"

4. 




What is long, black, and smelly? 

- The unemployment line.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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