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Today's jokes [6.22.11]

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A Second Opinion

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for
help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him
put his dog down on the examination table.  The vet examines the
still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his
dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not
willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.

The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts
the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body,
walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and
finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and
says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body,
walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.
The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks
your dog is dead too."

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and
asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."

"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man....

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for
my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan
and lab tests."

1. 




At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing 
whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman," 
said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret." 

"I don't know about that," huffily answered a woman guest. 
"I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one." 

"You'll let it out some day," the man insisted. 

"I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has 
kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it
forever."

2. 




A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to 
visit on his vacation.

He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well 
groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep 
him in my room with me at night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been 
operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a 
dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've 
never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and 
disorderly. and I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, 
indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for 
you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

3. 




I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.

So I said "Implants?"

4. 




Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F and G
are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what
the letters stood for... It is about time you became informed!

{A} - Almost Boobs...
{B} - Barely there.
{C} - Can't Complain!
{D} - Damn!
{DD} - Double damn!
{E} - Enormous!
{G} - GEEEEzus Christ!
{F} - Fake.

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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