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Today's jokes [6.21.11]

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A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front
of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that
the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the 
fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and 
makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, 
and the lady taken to hospital.

Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day. "Are you hurt?"
she asks.

She replies, "Of course I'm hurt! He hasn't called! He hasn't written!"

1. 




Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her 
constipation.
"It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week."
"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.
"Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half- hour
in the morning and again at night."
"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"
"Naturally," she answered, "I take a book."

2. 




After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks, and
insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, I stopped at a
toy store to pick up a gift for my son. I brought my selection  -  a 
baseball bat - to the cash register. "Cash or charge?" the clerk asked.

"Cash," I snapped. Then, apologizing for my rudeness, I explained, 
"I've spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau."

"Shall I giftwrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly. "Or are you going
back there?"

3. 




I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my
wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning." 

"What is she doing?" the pal asks. 

"Waiting for me to get home."

4. 




The United Airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay 
flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served 
them food and drinks. 

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and 
announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce 
that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if 
you could just put up your trays, that would be super." 

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed, rather 
exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me 
over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the 
main man can pitty-pat us on the ground." 

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a 
Princess. I take orders from no one." 

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, 
sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Now 
put the tray up, Bitch."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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