Today's jokes [6.21.11]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front
of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that
the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the
fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and
makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized,
and the lady taken to hospital.
Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day. "Are you hurt?"
She replies, "Of course I'm hurt! He hasn't called! He hasn't written!"
Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her
"It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week."
"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.
"Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half- hour
in the morning and again at night."
"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"
"Naturally," she answered, "I take a book."
After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks, and
insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, I stopped at a
toy store to pick up a gift for my son. I brought my selection - a
baseball bat - to the cash register. "Cash or charge?" the clerk asked.
"Cash," I snapped. Then, apologizing for my rudeness, I explained,
"I've spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau."
"Shall I giftwrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly. "Or are you going
I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my
wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."
"What is she doing?" the pal asks.
"Waiting for me to get home."
The United Airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay
flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served
them food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and
announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce
that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if
you could just put up your trays, that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed, rather
exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me
over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the
main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a
Princess. I take orders from no one."
To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well,
sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Now
put the tray up, Bitch."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3 4
5 6 7 8 9 10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29 30