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Today's jokes [6.19.11]

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Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to 
get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way 
go past a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. He addresses the man 
behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" 
The pharmacist answers, "Yes." 
Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?" 
Pharmacist: "Of course we do." 
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?" 
Pharmacist: "All kinds." 
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?" 
Pharmacist: "Definitely." 
Jacob: "How about Viagra?" 
Pharmacist: "Of course." 
Jacob: "Medicine for memory?" 
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety." 
Jacob: "What about vitamins and sleeping pills?" 
Pharmacist: "Absolutely." 
Jacob: "Perfect! We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts." 

1. 




One Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the water
cooler at the office. "Veronica, I just don't know what to do," Gloria 
said to her friend at work. "That good-looking Alex in accounting asked 
me out on a date for Saturday night. Should I go?"

"Oh, my God!" her friend exclaimed. "He'll wine you, dine you, and then
use any ruse to get you up to his apartment. Then he'll rip off your
dress and you'll have fantastic s*x!"

"What should I do?" asked Gloria.

Her friend quickly replied, "Wear an old dress."

2. 




"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he 
set the man's broken leg.
"Well, doc, 25 years ago..."
"Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning."
"Like I was saying... 25 years ago, when I first started working on the
farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful
daughter came into my room.  She asked me if there was anything I
wanted.
I said, "No, everything is fine."
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"I'm sure," I said.
"Isn't there anything I can do for you???" she wanted to know.
"I reckon not," I replied.
"Excuse me," said the doctor, "What the hell does this story have to do
with your broken leg?!?!?"
"Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me 
what she meant, I fell off the roof!"

3. 




What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?

It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.


4. 




Men are from earth.
Women are from earth.

Deal with it.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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