Today's stories [5.5.11]
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From a Southwest Airlines employee....
"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt,
insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like
every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you
probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a
sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the
ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If
you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before
assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children,
decide now which one you love more."
My cousin Denney came to visit from the farm last summer. I asked
how his bus ride was and he said he had a good ride except for a
rude lady he encountered.
I asked what the problem was, and he said that when the lady got
on there were no seats left, so he offered her his seat. She
declined since she was only riding for a short distance. However,
while she was standing with her butt right in his face, he noticed
her dress was caught up in her crack. He decided to be nice and help
her so he pulled it out.
Well, she turned around and wopped him hard enough to turn his lights
Then I asked him what he did then?
And Denney said that since she was that rude, he poked the dress right
back in there!
A LITTLE-KNOWN CHRISTMAS FACT:
One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was
getting ready for his annual trip ... but there were problems
Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not
produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to
feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit.
This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the
reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give
birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and
the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he
went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor
and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all
over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the
straw it was made from. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed
on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little
angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa.
Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't
it just a lovely tree?
Where would you like me to stick it?"
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the
Sent by Neicey
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