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Today's quotes [5.26.11]

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If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.


1. 




Eat less fresh food. Eat more things containing preservatives.
Preservatives are called preservatives because they help you live longer.

2. 




"Trout fishing. One must be a stickler for proper form. Use nothing but #4
blasting caps. Or a hand grenade, if handy. Or at a pool well-lined with
stone, one blast from a .44 magnum will bring a few stunned brookies quietly
to the surface."

                                            --Edward Abbey



3. 




"My dad was always really protective of his tools...well, not THAT tool...
 O.K., so he was pretty protective of that one too, but I'm talking about
 the tools that you make stuff with...well, sure, I suppose he DID make
 _me_ with that particular one, but...OH NEVERMIND.  My dad always told me
 that if some alien came around trying to borrow my phillips screwdriver
 that I should just stab him/her/it/them with it."
                        -- Lt. Wilkes, my role model


4. 




"Plaudipus: a small roman mammal that lays eggs and then presents you with
 a bill."
                        -- Heath, with minimal contribution from me


5. 



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