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Today's jokes [5.27.11]

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A double whammy:

Why do elephants paint thier testicles red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.

What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
A Monkey eating cherries.

1. 




What did the German clockmaker say to the clock that only went 'tick, tick,
tick'?

'Ve haff vays of making you tock!'

2. 




How many Los Angeles police officers does it
take to beat up a black motorist?

None. He fell down the stairs.

3. 




Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.

4. 




I once wrote a book called How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for Hours. It
went like this: To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the next
sentence. To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the previous
sentence." It didn't sell very well. I thought with the short attention
span of people these days it may have been too long, so I rewrote it. The
2nd edition went: "To keep an idiot busy for hours, re-read this sentence."
It's doing pretty good. I have a deal for the sequel. The 3rd edition is
going to go: "Re-read this line." Now, if I could just find the time to
write it.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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