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Today's jokes [5.24.11]

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What's the similarity between Bill Clinton and a carpenter?

One screw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet falls apart.

1. 




A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for 
women."

"Yeah what happened?" asked his friend.

The first guy replies, "Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the 
bottle."

2. 




What is hard and hairy on the outside, soft and wet on the inside, begins 
with the letter 'c' ends with the letter 't' and has the letters 'u' & 'n' in 
the middle?

A coconut. 

3. 




What should you say if he asks you "Am I your first"?

"You might be - you look familiar"

4. 




What's worse than being raped by Jack the Ripper?

Getting fingered by Captain Hook!

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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