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Today's jokes [5.15.11]

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There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of
them are Bush fans. Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to
be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy -
Johnny.

The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says,
"I'm not a Bush fan."

The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush fan?"

Johnny says, "I'm a John F. Kerry fan." The teacher asks why he's a Kerry
fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry fan, and my Dad's a Kerry fan,
so I'm a Kerry fan!"

The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if
you're Mom was a moron, and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush fan."

1. 




Two blondes walk into a building...
You'd  think at least one of them would have seen it.

2. 




This is a passenger announcement.

The train on platform one, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
eight, nine, ten, eleven and twelve has come in sideways.

3. 




What did the impatient helicopter say to its clumsy mechanic?

"Chop chop."

4. 




Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is absolutely
packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he
asks if anyone would like him to play a request. A little old Japanese man
jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice

"Play a Jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"

Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's varied
career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes
into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the
whole place goes wild. The little old man jumps up again and shouts

"No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord".

A bit nonplussed by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives
straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor
chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this
impromptu show of his technical expertise.

The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play a 
Jazz chord".

Well and truly brassed off that this little guy doesn't seem to appreciate
his playing ability, Stevie says to him from the stage "OK smartie pants!
You get up here and do it!"

The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike, and
starts to sing.....

"A jazz chord to say I ruv you................."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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