Today's stories [4.16.11]
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A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously
waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this
creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into
the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm
is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the
whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I
sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment.
He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant
smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his
artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
Some years back my live-in girlfriend (and now wife) came
home while I was napping on the living room couch. I was still
half asleep when she leaned over me to try and get a kiss. I
wanted to say "don't get your hopes up" but then thought
maybe "don't jump the gun" would be better. In my half-awake
state it came out "Don't get your guns up."
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