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Today's jokes [4.5.11]

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A rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining of
draining and a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the
examination, the doctor initiated a conversation that went
as follows:

D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear.
L: ?eh?
D: Madam - You have a SUPPOSITORY in your EAR!
L: ??EH??
D: (shouting) --IN YOUR EAR! -- A SUPPOSITORY!!!
L: Oh, thank Goodness - now I know where I put my hearing aid....


1. 




Q: What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is using a feather... kinky is using the whole chicken.

2. 




Job Applicant:  "I'm looking for a job as a consultant."
Employer:  "I'm sorry, we already have enough cosultants."
Applicant:   "That's ok, with my experience, I can be an 
advisor."
Employer:  "More than we can use already."
Applicant:  As he is getting desperate, "I'm not proud, I can do
paperwork, I'll be a clerk,  If you have too many, I'll start as a 
janitor."
Employer:  "It just doesn't seem that we have any openings for 
a person with your qualifications."
Applicant:  As he stands up and angrily yells, "work for you I'd 
have to be a low life, belly crawling, double dealing jerk!"
Employer:  "Well, you didn't say you were an attorney, have a 
seat, we may have an opening."



3. 




A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the
crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.  He finally gets
himself to the doctor.  He says, "How bad is it doc?  I'm going on my
honeymoon next week and my fiance is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it
heal and keep it straight.  It should be okay next week."  So he took
four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage and
wired it all together.  It was an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend. They marry and on
their honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to
reveal a gorgeous set of breasts.  This was the first time he ever
saw them.  She says, "You are the first, no one has ever touched these
breasts." He pulls down his pants, whips it out and says, "Look at
this, it's still in the CRATE !"

4. 




Two men were boasting to each other about their old army 
days. "Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that 
when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, 
click."

"Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company 
presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle."

"What was the jingle?" asked the first. 

"Oh," replied the other off hand, "just our medals."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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