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Today's jokes [4.3.11]

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What's the difference between a computer and a blonde? 

The computer is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on. 

1. 




How do you get a blonde's eyes to sparkle?
    
Shine a flashlight in her ear.

2. 




Does the person that you want to get even with drink red wine? If so, have 
I got one for you! Get yourself some Neutral Red, a water soluble, 
crystalline red dye. Mix some into the persons wine and wait for them to 
take a leak. (Nuetral Red comes out as red as it goes in, and people have 
a tendancy to get really nervous when they start peeing what they think is 
blood! 

3. 




Two cab drivers met.
"Hey," asked one, "what's the idea of painting one side of your cab red 
and the other side blue?"
"Well," the other responded, "when I get into an accident, you should see 
how all the witnesses contradict each other."

4. 




    A man died and went to Heaven. After reaching the gates to
   Heaven the man was talking with Saint Peter and he asked, "I know I
   was good during my life, and I really appreciate being brought to
   Heaven, but I'm really curious... What does Hell look like?"
   So Saint Peter thought about it a moment and finally said, "I'll tell
   you what, I'll let you see what Hell looks like before you are
   officially entered into Heaven. Come with me." And so Saint Peter lead
   the man to an elevator and said, "Take this elevator to the very
   bottom floor. When the door opens you will see what Hell looks like,
   but whatever you do, do not get out of the elevator."
   The man said "Thank you" and then climbed into the elevator and hit
   the button for the lowest floor. After nearly an hour waiting in the
   elevator the doors opened and the man peered out. Before him was a
   lifeless frozen wasteland. All the man could see were huge mountains
   of ice through blankets of snow. Remembering what Saint Peter said,
   the man quickly pushed the button for the top floor, the doors closed
   and he traveled back up to Heaven.
   After returning to Heaven the man approached Saint Peter and said,
   "I'm ready to enter into Heaven now, but before I do I have just one
   more question." "Go ahead", replied Saint Peter, and so the man asked,
   "I thought Hell would be fire and brimstone, but instead all I saw was
   snow and ice. Is that what it's really like?"
   Saint Peter thought about this for a second and finally answered,
   "Snow and ice, huh. I guess the Denver Broncos finally won the Super
   Bowl !!"


5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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