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Today's jokes [4.29.11]

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How do you re-sleeve a prostitue? 

     - Put a leg of ham up her snatch and pull the bone out. 

1. 




Q. Why did congress enact the Marine Corps?
A. So, the sailors would have someone to dance with!

2. 




A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife
one Friday evening and read's: Dear Wife (that's what
he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this
letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful
and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the
hotel there was a letter waiting for him as follows:
Dear Husband (that's what she called him) I too am 54
and by the time you receive this letter I will be at
the Hilton Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year
old toy boy. You being an accountant will therefore 
appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times
than 54 goes into 18!!!! 

3. 




Mike Mooney, a Yankee was driving through the south when he decided he 
wanted to buy a pig. He stopped at a pig farm and told the farmer he 
wanted to buy a 100 pound pig. The farmer nodded, walked out into the sty, 
bent over and picked up a pig by its tail with his teeth. The farmer said, 
"This one will go a little over a 100". Astonished the Yankee said, "Who 
are you trying to fool? You can't weigh a pig that way". The farmer 
laughed and called to his young son, "Boy, come over here and weigh that 
pig for this man". The boy obliged by bending over and picking up the pig 
by its tail with his teeth. Turning to his father the boy said, " This 
here pig weighs about 100 pounds". The Yankee was having no part of this 
so in order to convince him the farmer told his son to go to the house and 
get his mother so she could weigh the pig. After a short delay the son 
returned and said, "Ma says she will be right down after she's finished 
weighing the mailman". 

4. 




What is a macho man?

After getting a blow job, he asks the woman,
'Was it as good for you, as it was for me?'

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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