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Today's jokes [4.25.11]

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When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he went
out and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might notice
him on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there was
this bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. The
the guy's amazement, when the Pope came, he went over to the
bum, and whispered something in his ear. Enraged, the guy went
over to the bum and offered him $100 for the clothes off his
back. Next day, he went back to the parade dressed like a bum.
Sure enough, when the Pope came, he stopped in front of this
guy, and whispered in his ear, "I thought I told you to get
the hell out of here!"

1. 




A man eating at restaurant says to his waiter, 
'waiter, there's a fly in my soup!' 
The waiter replies, 'That, sir, is entirely 
possible, you see our cook used to be a tailor.'

2. 




Hmmm?

                      What if Mother Goose had tendencies and propensities

                                 toward verbosity and prolixity?



Jack becomes dexterous,
Jack becomes able to attain high velocity,
Jack forms a trajectory over the illuminating apparatus of
   ozocitereous structure.

Mary was formerly the owner and proprietor of a pygmy Ovis aries,
It possessed an outer wool covering which had the characteristic
   pallidness much like that found in the appearance of crystalline
   precipitation,
And to each point in space that Mary would venture to,
The aforementioned Ovis aries would participate with a high degree of
   certainty.

Diminutive Jack Horner
Was seated at the perpendicular conjunction of three planar surfaces,
Ingesting his baked Yuletide pastry.
He inserted his opposable digit,
And excavated a specimen of genus Prunus,
And remarked, "What a benevolent adolescent I have become!"


Lilliputian damsel Muffet
Was rested upon a squatty seating apparatus,
Ingesting the lacteal substances in her possession.
At this point arrived an arachnid
Which inhabited the immediate vicinity of the maiden,
And, true to the fundamental principles of stimulus and response,
 arose trepidation in the damsel with sufficient efficiency so as
 to induce the aforementioned maiden to change locale.



3. 




A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around 
the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable 
at all. 
On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he 
found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking 
confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as 
possible and then busied himself with desk work. 
When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and 
stapled the tie to his chest. 
Discipline was not a problem from that day forth!

4. 




How many Serbs does in take to change a Lighbulb?

It doesn't matter..Theres a Blackout!



5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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