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Today's jokes [4.24.11]

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Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving 
very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled 
the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that 
evening.

"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads 
stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then 
there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these 
mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' 
those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I 
had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye 
know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for 
later .." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he 
located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for 
inspection.

The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you 
to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."

Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?"

1. 




How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

The real question is: How much can the light bulb afford to
be screwed for?



2. 




So the doctor tells the patient he's got only six months to live.
But the patient doesn't pay his bill on time, so the doctor gives
him another six months. 

3. 




Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?

A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. 

4. 




A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife 
made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was 
ransacking an adjoining room. 

But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to 
say, "I hope, doctor, you don't mind Johnny being in there." 

"No," said the doctor calmly, "He'll be quiet when he gets to 
the poisons." 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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