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Today's jokes [4.23.11]

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The Italian colonel had his brigade arrayed in full parade dress, proudly 
ready for inspection by the general. That worthy warrior strolled back and 
forth before the troops, and sniffed and stopped abruptly. "Colonel!" he 
spat out. "Yes, general!" the colonel quavered. "Your troops, your 
troops," stormed the general. "They look very nice, they stand very nice, 
but they stink, man, they stink! Can't you get them to change their 
underwear?"
He strode away furiously. The colonel sniffed for himself. "The general, 
yes, he's right. Now, Luigi change with Guiseppi, Carlo change with 
Giovanni..." 


1. 




Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?

Everyone has the same DNA.

2. 




There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a 
bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION 
ALL" and farts loudly. 

The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at 
the drunk and says" Excuse me, you just farted before my 
wife." 

The drunks replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."

3. 




A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops
into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the
Madam, drops down $500 and says,
"I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!!!"
The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you
could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."
The trucker replies, "Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny, I'm
homesick."


4. 




A college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a 
while, the girl says, "I wish you had a flashlight." 

He says, "Why's that?" 

She says, "Because you've been eating grass for fifteen 
minutes."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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