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Today's jokes [4.22.11]

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                            Safest Way to Drive
     
   
Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American driving
habits, offers the following advice:

The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly
proportional to time spent on the road.  Driving fast decreases one's
exposure.

One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirds
are caused by non-drunk drivers.

Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunk and VERY fast.
  


1. 




Did you know elephants have sex organs on their feet?



      They step on you and you're screwed

Sent by D.L.Chapin

2. 




What was Moby Dick's father's name?

                      Papa Boner. 

3. 




A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly 
stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's 
absence after so many years of faithful attendance the Rabbi 
went to see him. 

He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How 
come after all these years we don't see you at services 
anymore?"

The old man looked around and lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, 
Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to 
take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. 
So I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about 
me, and I don't want to remind Him!"

4. 




Here's a lame one....

What is Homer Simpson's favorite ice cream?

Chocolate-chip cookie DOH!

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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