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Today's jokes [4.17.11]

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Why do men take showers instead of baths?

Pissing in the bath is disgusting. 

1. 




For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer, this one

is for you. It's a classic! In tribute to those 'special' customers we all

love! 

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being

smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who

probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded United flight was canceled.  A

single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. 

Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket

down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be

FIRST CLASS."  The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help

you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to

work something out."  The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that

the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?" 

Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address

microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing

throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT

KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the

gate."  With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man

glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "F*** you." 

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have

to stand in line for that, too." 

2. 




Stacking Strategy. It is not enough to pile lots of
documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. .
Can always borrow from library. Thick computer manuals are the best.

3. 




A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a 
rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it.

Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and 
said, "Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen."

4. 




What is red and has seven dents?

Snow White's cherry!

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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