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Today's jokes [4.12.11]

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A man running a little behind schedule arrives at a picture theatre, goes 
in to watch the movie that has already started, and as his eyes adjust to 
the darkness, he is surprised to see a dog sitting beside its master in 
the row ahead, intently watching the movie.  It even seemed to be enjoying 
the movie:  wagging its tail in the happy bits, drooping its ears at the 
sad bits, and hiding its eyes with its paws at the scary bits.  After the 
movie, the man approaches the dogs owner,
"Jeez mate, your dog really seemed to enjoy the movie.  I'm amazed!"
"Yes, I'm amazed also," came the reply.  "He hated the book."

1. 




Why don't Blondes make good cattle herders.
Because they can never keep two calves together.


2. 




A man and wife entered a dentist's office.
The Wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I
don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in
a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as
quickly as possible." 

You're a brave woman said the dentist. Now,
show me which tooth it is. 

The wife turns to her husband and says "Open
your mouth and show the dentist which tooth
it is, dear."

3. 




   Two men are talking. The first sez, "I got married because I was tired
   of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing
   shabby clothes."
   
   "Amazing," said the second, "I just got divorced for the very same
   reasons."


4. 




A man and a woman are on an elevator at the top of the
world's tallest building, when all of a sudden, the cable
snaps and the elevator starts plummeting to the ground. 
The emergency brakes don't work, the emergency phone
doesn't work, and they both begin to panic. 
The woman screams "We're going to die!", rips of all her
clothes, throws herself on the floor and says to the man
"make me feel like a woman again!" 
So, he pulls off his jacket, throws it on the floor, and
says "pick that up, bitch." 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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