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Today's jokes [4.11.11]

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Little Johnny's dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a
condom about to give his wife some. 
Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says,
"Whatcha doin' Daddy?" 
Johnny's dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking at the
floor. "Oh, I'm just looking for this big rat I saw." he says. 
Little Johnny asks, "Whatcha gonna do, fuck it?" 




1. 




   Son takes his father to the doctor. Doctor gives them the bad news
   that the father is dying of cancer. Father tells the son that he has
   had a good long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to
   celebrate it.
   
   While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends. He tells
   them that he is dying of AIDS.
   
   When the friends leave the son asks, "Dad, you are dying of cancer.
   Why did you tell them that you are dying of AIDS?"
   
   The father replies, "I don't want them fucking your mother after I'm
   gone!"
   


2. 




Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen?

That's the proper place to wash vegetables.

3. 




How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?
Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch".


4. 




This snow plow driver from North Dakota got married. He and his new
   Bride prepared for their wedding nite. He watched for a while as she
   spread three different kinds of creams and then a white foam in
   preparation for their love making. She finally announced that she was
   ready. The man then asked if she still had that string of pearls
   necklace that he admired so much.
   
   She replied, "Well, yes darling, I do. But what in the world would you
   need it for at a time like this ?
   
   He looked again at all her "preparations" and replied, "Ain't no way
   I'm gonna try to go into a mess like that without chains."


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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