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Today's jokes [4.1.11]

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This is, like, so dumb...

Instructions on how to Colect a Beaker of Cat's Urine

   1.Treat the beaker like your most prized possession.

   2.Solemnly intone the word "no" every time the cat
     approaches the beaker. 

   3.After completing steps #1 and #2, leave the cat alone
     with the beaker for thirty seconds. 


1. 




A young man fell in a pit one day, and found a 
magic lamp with a genie inside of it. The genie 
said, 'I will grant you three wishes.' The man's 
first wish was to get out of the pit. **POOF** 
He was instantly transported out. He then wished 
for all the gold in the world. **POOF** 
The genie gave him all the gold nuggets in the 
world, all the gold bars, all the gold pebbles, 
etc. The man could not think of anything for his 
third wish, so he went out for a ride in his 
Ferrari. He turned on the radio, and after a few 
minutes, his favorite song came on. He decided to 
sing along: 
'Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner...' 


2. 




What do you call a gay Indian? 

    A brave sucker! 

3. 




What is a Blondes favorite nursery rhyme? 

Hump me dump me 

4. 




At a posh Las Vegas casino, a blackjack dealer and a player with a 13 
count in his hand are arguing about whether or not it is appropriate to 
tip the dealer. The player says, "When I get bad cards, it's not the 
dealer's fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously 
has nothing to do with that either, so why should I tip him?" 
The dealer replies, "When you eat at a restaurant do you tip the waiter?" 
"Yes," the gambler concedes. 
"Well then, he serves you food; whether it's good or bad isn't up to him. 
By the same token, I'm serving you cards, so you should tip me." 
"OK," says the gambler, "but the waiter gives me what I ask for.
I'll take an 8."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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