Today's stories [3.22.11]
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Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of
peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running
inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably
surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was
Ms. Robertson's son.
Some time ago I was hosting a State Dinner, when at the last minute my
regular cook took ill and they had to get a replacement on short
notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby looking
man named John. I voiced my concerns to my Chief of Staff but was told
that this was the best they could do at such short notice, according
to the Head of the Household Staff.
Unbeknown to me, but later reported, the following events occurred.
Just before the meal, the Chief of Staff noticed the cook sticking his
fingers in the soup to taste it and again he complained to the Head
of the Household Staff about the cook, but he was told that this man
was supposed to be a very good chef.
The meal went okay but I was sure that the soup tasted a little off,
and by the time dessert came, I was starting to have stomach cramps
and nausea. It was getting worse and worse, until finally I had to
excuse myself from the State Dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing
through the kitchen, I caught sight of the cook, John, scratching his
rear end and this made me feel even worse. By now I was desperately
ill with violent cramps and was so disoriented that I couldn't
remember which door led to the bathroom.
I was on the verge of passing out from the pain when I finally found a
door that opened and as I undid my trousers and ran in, I realized to
my horror that I had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky's office with my
trousers around my knees.
As I was just about to pass out, Monica bent over me and heard her
President whisper in a barely audible voice, "Sack my cook."
And that your Honor, is how the whole misunderstanding started.
I work as a flight attendant and once as we waited just off the runway
for another airliner to cross in front of us, some of the passengers were
beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins. The head attendant
announced on the intercom, "This aircraft is equipped with a video
surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any
passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a
full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave
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