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Today's jokes [3.5.11]

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The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver and instructed him 
to meet all incoming trains and announce at the depot in a very 
loud voice,  "Free bus to the hotel Astor!"  On the way to the 
station on his first trip her kept repeating to himself, "Free bus 
to the hotel Astor,  Free bus to the hotel Astor," until he 
memorized it letter perfect.  

Upon his arrival at the station, however, he became confused at 
all the noise and hub bub and started shouting as follows.
"Free hotel at the bust your Astor, I mean, Free ass at the 
Hotel Bastard, I mean, Freeze your ass at the Hotel Buster, I 
mean Squeeze your bust at the Hotel Faster, I mean, Bust 
your ass at the Hotel Freezer, Oh shit...take a cab."

1. 




Why is sex like money in the bank?

Because when you withdraw, you lose interest.


Sent by Annette

2. 




A little girl was walking along a beach in California when
she came across a man with no clothes on and just a newspaper
covering his genitals.
The little girl said, "What do you have under that newspaper, Mister?"
The man said, "Nothing, it's just a bird, now go away!"
The man thought nothing of her and quickly fell asleep.
Hours later, the man woke up in a hospital bed in excrutiating pain.
"Where the hell am I?"
A doctor replied, "Someone called 9-1-1 and said you needed emergency
help, so we rushed you right over."
"Well, what the hell happened to me?"
"We don't know, son. Do you remember anything unusual happening
to you today?"
The man said, "Well, there was a little girl bugging me just
before I fell asleep." 
The doctor sent someone to the beach to see if the little girl was
still there, and she was. The person said, "Do you know what happened
to that nice man you saw here earlier?"
"Well," the little girl said, "I started to play with that nice little
bird that he had and the damn thing spit on me. So, I wrung its neck,
broke its eggs, and set its nest on fire!" 

3. 




A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He 
stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. 
In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. "No 
sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," he 
said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and 
flattened the hump.

As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, 
handing him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the 
hallway." "Now," she said, "if only I could find my gerbil."

4. 




When you go to the hospital how do you find the head nurse? 

     Look for the nurse with dirty knees and swollen lips! 

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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