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Today's jokes [3.26.11]

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Is everyone out in net land familiar with Sensormatic?  They are the company
that make the large plastic clips that set off alarms when you exit a
department store.  I used to work for a department store and the is what
we did.

Open up the clip and remove the shiny piece of paper.  It is about an inch
long and about half an inch wide.  This is the "thingy" (that is the technical
word for it) that sets off the alarm.  This "thingy" is easy to insert into
a pen case, lining of a jacket ...

We did this to a co worker and needless to say, he had problems wearing a
particular jacket to work.



1. 




Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks.
After a while the conversation started turning a little
rude and crass. Soon the women were getting louder and
they were arguing about how wide their snatches were.
(This happens all the time.) 
The first woman got up on the bar, lifted her leg,
grabbed a baseball bat and slid it home. 
All the people in the bar were watching, hooting and
hollering, throwing money. 
Five minutes later the second woman got up, lifted her
leg, grabbed a bowling ball and slid it in. 
People were going ballistic. 
Finally the third women very casually got up on the bar
and asked for a quarter. She slid it in..... and the
jukebox starts playing. 

2. 




Why does a blonde have curtains on her PC?

To open windows

3. 




Most dentists chairs go up and down, don't they?
The one I was in went back and forwards.
I thought, "This is unusual."
The dentist said to me,  "Mr. Owens, get out of the filing cabinet."


4. 




A fellow getting a shave asked the barber if he had another 
razor. 

"Why?"  asked the barber, "Is there something wrong with this 
one?"

"I don't know." replied the customer. "But I would appreciate a 
chance to defend myself."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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