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Today's jokes [3.25.11]

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Q: What do you get when a blond stands on here head?
A: A smelly burnette.

Sent by Tiffany

1. 




A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast 
Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came 
in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore 
completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she 
remarked:
"I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their 
arms." 

2. 




A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While 
the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on 
his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even 
looked twice at a church.

However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job 
and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-
natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his 
wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his 
kids wouldn't give him the time of the day.

So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes 
towards heaven and asked:

"Oh God, I honour you every day, I ask your advice for every 
problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbour, 
who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, 
seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and
suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"

And a great voice was heard from above:

"BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"

3. 




What should you give a man who has everything? 

Penicillin

4. 




A psychiatrist met a friend and exclaimed, "I heard you died."
"But you see I'm alive ," smiled the friend.
"Impossible," said the psychiatrist. "The man who told me is much more 
reliable than you."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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