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Today's jokes [3.20.11]

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Bloke is drinking at a pub and after a few rounds goes to leave, 
explaining to the barman he has to go home to do a shit. "Don't 
be stupid," says the barman, "We've got a perfectly good toilet 
here!" 

"Yes," explains the drinker, "but I take salts."

"So what??!! That doesn't matter - you can still use the toilet 
here!"

The drinker reluctantly agrees and heads for the toilet. After a 
few moments there is loud banging and the bloke emerges, 
followed by a foul smell. The barman races into the toilet where 
he sees crap all over the ceiling and walls. He races back into 

the bar. 

"What the hell went on in there?!" he demands.

"I told you," explained the drinker.

"No, you said that you take salts!" yelled the barman.

"That's right," the drinker shrugs, "somersaults."

1. 




A New York boy was being led through the swamps of
Louisiana by his cousin. "Is it true that an alligator won't
attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
The cousin smirked and replied, "Depends on how fast ya
carry the flashlight."

2. 




Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he 
sees and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "241." "That 
is wonderful!," says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification 
Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!" 
Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?" to 
which the lady answers, "144." "That is great!," responds Albert. "We can 
discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!" 
Albert goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the 
man answers, "51." Albert responds, "How about them, Cowboys?"

3. 




A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl 
approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, wanna play 
house?"
He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"
The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your thoughts."
"Communicate my thoughts?" said a bewildered Tommy. "I 
have no idea what that means."
The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the 
husband."

4. 




A young lady walks into a doctors office. "Doctor I'm suffering from a 
terrible discharge" The Doctor lays her down lifts up her dress and has a 
good probe around and says "how does that feel?" Young lady, "Oooh doctor 
that feels lovely..... ...but the discharge is from my ear!!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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