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Today's jokes [3.19.11]

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When is premature ejaculation a serious problem?

When it occurs between "hello" and "what's your sign?"

1. 




        I was once in a nice family-style restaurant when I observed
some kids supergluing the dishes to the table.  They also attached
the silverware, napkins, salt, pepper, etc.  If it wasn't already nailed down,
it was now.  They stayed long enough to let the glue set, and then paid and
left.  They watched as the poor busboy tried to get the stuff off of the table.


        Also funny is supergluing a quarter to the sidewalk.  I know its old,
but in the city, with the diverse types of people around, it gets really
amusing.  I watched this old lady whack at it with her cane for about 10 min.
cursing......



2. 




GOD will save me

   The police were going door to door warning everyone to evacuate
   because the river was rising. One door they came to, the man said "GOD
   will save me".
   The river continued to rise and he was forced to move everthing to the
   second floor of his house. A man in a boat came by and offered to save
   him. Again he said "GOD will save me".
   Pretty soon the second story was flooded and he was forced to get on
   the roof of his house. A helicopter came by and tried to save him and
   yet again he said "GOD will save me".
   It wasn't long before the house was completely covered and the man
   died and went to heaven. He confronted God with "Why didn't you save
   me, GOD?"
   And God said " I sent you the police, a boat and a helicopter. Why did
   you stay in the house?"


3. 




What's Michael Jackson's favorite hobby?
Blowing bubbles. 


4. 




How do you know when your girlfriend is too fat?

When she sits on your face and you can't hear the stereo 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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