Today's jokes [3.18.11]
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There was a young man in the Air Force who was so well-
endowed that it was bothering his knee. Three Air Force
doctors and one Air Force nurse were in the operating room to
remedy the situation. The first doctor said, "We'll just take a
big hunk off the end." They discussed it and decided that
would affect his sensitivity.
The second doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk out of the
middle of it." They discussed this, and decided it would change
the texture and feel of it.
The third doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk off the base of
it." They discussed this, too, and agreed that it might give him
The doctors heard a sniffling, and looked over at the nurse who
had tears running down her cheeks. The nurse cried, "Can't we
just make his legs longer?"
Herman the hypochondriac began sobbing before a doctor.
"I'm sure I've got a liver disease, and I'm gonna die from it."
"Ridiculous," said the doctor. "you'd never know if you had the
disease or not. With that ailment there's no discomfort of any
"Right," said Herman, "those are my exact symptoms."
This very old guy, older than 90, whips back the covers one morning with a
big hard on.
"What do you think about this, Honey?" he says to his wife.
She says "Now that you have the wrinkles out of it, why don't you wash
One day there were these three boys walking down
the street, all of a sudden they heard a yell: 'HELP! HELP!'
When the boys got to the noise they saw Bill
Clinton in a lake drowning. The three boys saved
him from drowning. Bill Clinton asks the first
boy how he could ever repay him. The boy said,
'I want a boat.'
The second boy said 'I want a truck.'
And the third boy said, 'I want three tombstones with are
names all on them.' Bill Clinton said, 'why is that son?'
The little boy said, 'because when my Dad finds out that we
saved you, he is going to kill us all!'
A carpet-layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady.
He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his
In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. "No
sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," he
said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and
flattened the hump.
As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said,
handing him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway."
"Now," she said, "if only I could find my parakeet. "
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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