Today's jokes [3.14.11]
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This bloke was ordered from the pool for pissing in the water.
"That's ridiculous!" he shouted at the pool manager. "Everybody does it,
"That may be so," came the reply, "but usually not from the diving board."
During an Army war game, a commanding officer's
jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men
lounging around nearby and asked them to help
him get unstuck.
"Sorry sir," said one of the loafers, "but we've
been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't
contribute in any way."
The C.O. turned to his driver and said, "Go drag a
couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them
under the wheels to give us some traction."
"Hey, Pal", the irate druggist shouted, "Put that cigar out
while you are in my store!"
"I bought this cigar here!" claimed the Customer.
"Big Deal!", said the Druggist. "We sell condoms too."
Q: Why can't Chinese Barbecue?
A: Because the rice falls through the grill
Iraqi vs. American
Has visited the convergence of the Tigris and Euphrates, cradle of
the ancient civilization founded by his ancestors
Once got really sick on the Wild Mouse ride at Six Flags theme
Willing to participate in Holy War for his nation
Willing to participate in People's Choice Awards
Lines up by the thousands to die for country
Will go to any extreme to avoid jury duty
Has endured many food shortages during wars with Iran and embargo
Shoves McDonalds cashier if their Happy Meal doesn't include
Believes if he dies in battle, he will go straight to Paradise
Believes if, in a dream, you don't wake up before hitting the
ground, you die
Has friend or relative wounded in ruthless wars of conquest
Has beer guzzling uncle who shot self in foot on hunting trip
Thinks Saddam Hussein is a political genius
Thinks Saddam Hussein makes Dan Quayle seem like Einstein
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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