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Today's stories [2.4.11]

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While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her 
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told 
her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. 
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as 
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that
I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening 
after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were 
doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me
were screams of laughter.

1. 




It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my
parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a
romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the
telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a
nude piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we
didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, 
the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled, "SURPRISE!"
My entire family: aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all my friends
Were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen embarrassment for
What seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned
a surprise party again.

2. 




Pad, please!

An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance.
He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as
Best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came
Back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.

3. 



BONUS! A random story from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




This guy was playing a game of texas holdem poker and had already lost 300 dollars when suddenly he looked down, and just next to the table he sees a little green leprechaun.
"Jus quit playing poker right now and I will give you a million dollars worth in a pot full of gold said the little green gentlemen.
The player replied, sure "just Let me get even first."


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