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Today's stories [2.27.11]

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Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless,
and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and
March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added
late fee and interest on the monthly charge.
 
The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00.

A family member placed a call to Citibank:

Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
 
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still
apply."
 
Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."
 
Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."
 
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her
to the credit bureau, maybe both!"
 
Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
 
Citibank: "Excuse me?"
 
Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about
her being dead?"
 
Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."
Supervisor gets on the phone:
 
Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
 
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still
apply."
 
Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
 
Citibank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"
 
Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)
 
Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
 
Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given)
 
After they get the fax:
 
Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I
can do to help."
 
Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just
keep billing her. I don't think she will care."
 
Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."
 
Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"
 
Citibank: "That might help."
 
Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69."

 
Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"

1. 




Sign on a church bulletin board:

You aren't too bad to come in, You aren't good enough to stay out.


2. 




There's nothing worse than a doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her
what is wrong in a room full of other patients.

I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this senior
citizen handled it.

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached
the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor
for today?"

"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a
crowded office and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in
this roomful of people. You should have said there is something wrong with
your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the
doctor in private."

The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people things in a room full of others,
if the answer could embarrass anyone." The man walked out, waited several
minutes and then re-entered.

The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.

The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her
advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"

"I can't piss out of it," the man replied.

The doctor's office erupted in laughter.

3. 



BONUS! A random story from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




This guy was playing a game of texas holdem poker and had already lost 300 dollars when suddenly he looked down, and just next to the table he sees a little green leprechaun.
"Jus quit playing poker right now and I will give you a million dollars worth in a pot full of gold said the little green gentlemen.
The player replied, sure "just Let me get even first."


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