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Today's stories [2.18.11]

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Important Press Release: 

The manufacturers of KY Jelly have announced that their product is now 
fully Year-2000 compliant. In the light of this they have now renamed it 
as: "Y2KY Jelly". 
Said a spokesman: "The main benefit of this revision to our product, is 
that you can now insert four digits into your date instead of two."

1. 




The "Environmental Engineering News" published some rather sobering 
information about punishment for drunk driving convictions in other 
countries. 

In Australia, the names of drunk drivers are printed in
newspapers under the caption, "He's drunk and in jail." 
In Malaysia the driver is jailed and, if married, the
spouse is jailed. 
In the United Kingdom, Finland and Sweden there's an
automatic jail term of one year. 
In Turkey, drunk drivers are driven 20 miles out of town
and forced to walk back. 
In Bulgaria, a second drunk-driving conviction results
in capital punishment. 
In El Salvador, your first offense is your last -- execution
by firing squad.

2. 




Phone Won't Stop Ringing? -- Here's What You Do. 

Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But 
unlike most people she did something about it. 
The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had 
acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola. 
From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. 
Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a 
case to persuade the motel management to change its number. 
Naturally, the management refused, claiming that it could not change its 
stationery. 
The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just 
because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a day didn't 
make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to 
take matters into her own hands. 

At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel 
and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leola said, "No problem. 
How many nights?" 
A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite with two 
bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the Presidential Suite on the 
10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary said that she 
would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit. "No, that won't be 
necessary," Leola said. "We trust you." 
The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked an 
electric appliance manufacturers' convention for Memorial Day weekend, a 
college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World War 
II. 
She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she could 
watch the O.J. Simpson trial, but her biggest challenge came in the 
afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter's 
wedding in June. 
Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would 
be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care of it. The 
mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral 
arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up. Once again Leola 
was helpful. "There's no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend 
that the client tips the drivers." 

Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster area. 
People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet Sixteen 
parties and were all told there were no such events. 
Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the 
motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an executive from Marriott 
said, "We're prepared to offer you $200,000 for the motel." 
Leola replied. "We'll take it, but only if you change the telephone 
number."

3. 



BONUS! A random story from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




This guy was playing a game of texas holdem poker and had already lost 300 dollars when suddenly he looked down, and just next to the table he sees a little green leprechaun.
"Jus quit playing poker right now and I will give you a million dollars worth in a pot full of gold said the little green gentlemen.
The player replied, sure "just Let me get even first."


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