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Today's stories [2.14.11]

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The world's first fully computerised airliner was ready for its maiden 
flight with out pilots or crew. The plane taxied to the loading area 
automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out 
automatically. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats. 
The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane 
taxied toward the runway. 
"Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman," a voice intoned as the airplane 
lifted off. "Welcome to the debut of the world's first fully computerised 
airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run electronically. Just sit back 
and relax. Nothing can go wrong........nothing can go wrong......nothing 
can go wrong......"

1. 




Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. 
The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their 
contract's sick-leave provisions. 

One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held 
aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he 
announced, "Called in Sick yesterday!" 

There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who 
had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. 

The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he 
said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been 
sick!"

2. 




Long ago in Israel the wisest man, a great philopher and thinker, was 
holding audience. Everyone was there - the hall was packed out - 
politicians at the front, professionals, doctors, lawyers next, then 
businessmen, etc., with lesser beings further and further away. 

He intones his most famous and deepest saying: "Life is like a fish". 
Everyone murmers in obedient and respectful agreement "How wise", "What a 
thinker", "How true", "What a man". 

At the very back of hall, a callow, spotty youth - a freshman probably, 
sticks his hand up and asks "Why?". Absolute horror around the hall... 
They stare round enraged at him "How can he question the great man?", "Has 
he no sense at all?". They stare back anxiously at the great man - what 
will he do? He doesn't react, just sits there, pondering. The atmosphere 
is electric. After ten minutes of deep thought, the great man looks up, 
the audience expectant with bated breathe. He speaks. "Alright, so it's 
not like a fish".

3. 



BONUS! A random story from Jokes2Go database
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This guy was playing a game of texas holdem poker and had already lost 300 dollars when suddenly he looked down, and just next to the table he sees a little green leprechaun.
"Jus quit playing poker right now and I will give you a million dollars worth in a pot full of gold said the little green gentlemen.
The player replied, sure "just Let me get even first."


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