Today's jokes [2.27.11]
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After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford
a larger double-wide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him
that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem.
The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in 'Bama), light
it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting
a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about
to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama.
This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer
can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.
Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb
and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count.
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and
resumed counting on his other hand...
Father Goose Story No. 8
There was this troupe of dancers that traveled around
the country dancing in clubs and theaters. They were called
the Steppers. At one club, the Steppers did such a good job
of pulling in patrons that the management gave them all the
drinks they could drink after the show.
Well, they all got plastered and were having a big party.
When it came time to get on their bus to travel to the next town,
they did not want to stop partying, so they just moved the party
to the bus. As they rode down the highway, you could here their
yelling, singing, and laughing for miles.
At a house along that very highway, there lived a family that
had a pet snake. It was a viper, and it's name was Peter. That
night, Peter Viper was asleep in his snake house in the back yard.
Suddenly, he was awakened by a loud racket. It was the bus
carrying the Steppers still having their party. But Peter didn't
know that. In his confusion, he thought he was back in deep dark
Africa being pursued by Pygmies. He slithered out of his snake
house, headed across the yard as fast as he could, and crossed the
highway just in front of the bus. The bus driver, who was a little
sleepy, saw Peter Viper in the road, and mistook him for a giant log.
He swerved, and the bus landed in the ditch, drunk Steppers
The next day, the headline in the paper read "Peter Viper
wrecks a truck of pickled Steppers".
After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old
slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As
she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her
patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head
and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern
warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old
say with a trembling voice, "Who was *that*?"
What's a blonde's mating call?
I think I'm drunk.
A minister was asked by a politician,
"Name something the government can do to help the church."
The minister replied, "Quit making one dollar bills."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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