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Today's jokes [2.17.11]

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What do you do when an elephant comes through the window?
Swim for it...


1. 




SAT score decay


As we all know SAT scores have been on the decline for years.
The following may be the reason why.

A math problem in the 60's
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is four-fifths of this 
price. What is his profit?

A math problem in the 70's
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of porduction is four-fifths of this 
price, or $80. What is his profit?

A math problem in the 70's using New Math
A logger exchanges a set L of lumber for a set M of money. The cardinality of set M is 100, 
and each element is worth $1. Make 100 dots representing the elements of set M. The set C of 
the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set M, and answer the following question: 
What is the cardinality of the set P of profits?

A math problem in the 80's
A logger sells a truckload of wood for $100. His cost of production is $80, and his profit is 
$20. Your assignment: underline the number 20.

A math problem in the 90's under Outcome Based Education.
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, a logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of 
living? (Topic for class participation: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel?)

2. 




The  Y-Zero-K Problem 

Translated from a recently discovered Latin scroll dated 2BC 

Dear Cassius: 

  Are you still working on the Y zero K problem?  This change 
from  BC to AD is giving us many headaches; there is not much 
time left.  I don't know how citizens will cope with working the 
wrong way around.  Having been working happily downwards 
forever, now we have to start  thinking upwards.  You would think 
that someone would have thought of  this earlier and not left it to 
us to sort it out at the last minute. 

I spoke to Caesar the other evening.  He was livid that Julius 
hadn't  done something about it when he was working out the 
calendar.  He said he could see why Brutus turned nasty.  We 
called in Consultus, but he simply said that continuing 
downwards using minus BC won't work and as usual charged a 
fortune for doing nothing useful.  Surely, we will not have to 
throw out all our hardware and start again?  Macrohard will 
make yet another fortune out of this, I suppose. 

The money lenders are paranoid of course!  They have been 
told that all  usury rates will invert, and they will have to pay 
their clients to take out loans.  It is an ill wind... . 

As for myself, I just cannot see how the sand in an hourglass 
will flow upwards.  We have heard that there are three wise men 
in the East who have been working on the problem, but 
unfortunately they won't arrive until it's all over. 

I have heard that there are plans to stable all horses at 
midnight at the turn of the year as there are fears that they will 
stop and try to run backwards, causing immense damage to 
chariots and possible loss of  life.  Some say the world will 
cease to exist at the moment of  transition. 

Anyway, we are still continuing to work on this acursed Y zero 
K  problem.  I will send you a parchment if anything further 
develops. 

If you have any ideas please let me know, 

Plutonius 


Sent by Marina

3. 




Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent. 

    Wedding cake! 

4. 




I recently had surgery on my hand, and asked the doctor if,
after surgery, I would be able to play the banjo. 
He said, "I'm doing surgery on your hand, not giving you a lobotomy." 

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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