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Today's jokes [2.14.11]

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   A woman walks into a hardware store and says "I want to buy a hinge."
   The clerk says "Do you wanna screw for that hinge?"
   The woman says, "No, but I'll blow you for the toaster."
   


1. 




Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates
of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting a
long time for you."
"What do you mean," he replied, "I'm only 45, in the prime of my life.
Why did I have to die now?"
"45? You're not 45, you're 82," replied the angel.
"Wait a minute. If you think I'm 82 then you have the wrong guy.
I'm only 45. I can show you my birth certificate."
"Hold on. Let me go check," said the angel and disspeared inside. After
a few minutes the angel returned. "Sorry, but by our records you are 82.
I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82..." 

2. 




This is a telephonic exchange between a hotel guest and
roomservice at a hotel in Asia.  It was  recorded and
published in the Far East Economic Review: 

Room Service:  "Morny.  Ruin sorbees." 
Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service." 
RS :  "Rye. Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??" 
Guest:  "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs." 
RS:  "Ow July den?" 
G:  "What??" 
RS:  "Ow July den - fry, boy, pooch?" 
G:  "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled, please." 
RS:  "Ow July dee bayhcem - crease?" 
G:  "Crisp will be fine" 
RS:  "Hokay. An San tos?" 
G:  "What?" 
RS:  "San tos. July San tos?" 
G:  "I don't think so" 
RS:  "No? Judo one toes??" 
G:  "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what
'judo one toes' means." 
RS:  "Toes! toes!..Why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish
mopping we bother?" 
G:  "English muffin!!  I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.'
Fine.  Yes, an  English muffin will be fine." 
RS:  "We bother?" 
G:  "No..just put the bother on the side." 
RS:  "Wad?" 
G:  "I mean butter - just put it on the side." 
RS: "Copy?" 
G:  "Sorry?" 
RS:  "Copy...tea...mill?" 
G:  "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all." 
RS:  "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache,
crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey
sigh, and copy....rye??"
G:  "Whatever you say." 
RS:  "Tendjewberrymud" 
G : "You're welcome" 

Have a good day

3. 




Q: What's the difference between American and Serbian pilots?
A: American pilots break ground and fly into the wind!


4. 




A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out 
and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears 
some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of 
his trunk! He runs around and yells, "Hey, bud, this is my car!" "OK," the 
man says, "You take the front and I`ll take the back."

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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