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Today's jokes [2.11.11]

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"Darling," she whispered after they had finished making love, 
"Will you still make love like that to me after we're married ?"

He considered this for a moment, and then replied, "I think so. 
I've always been especially fond of married women."

1. 




In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young
woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight
leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and
jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get
on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow
her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver
she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking
that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again
she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she
still couldn't! So, a little more embarrassed she once again
reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for
a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her
chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped
the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was
unable to make the step.
About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line
picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on
the step of the bus. 
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero
screeching at him "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even
know who you are!" 

At this the Texan drawled "Well ma'am normally I would agree
with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda
figured that we was friends." 

2. 




A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life.  She 
cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive.  
She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would 
change her life.


While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer 
who was trying to get his sheep across the road.  She stopped 
her car and waved the farmer across, thinking this would be her 
first good deed.


After the sheep had all crossed, the blonde said to the farmer, 
"your sheep are so cute.  If I guess how many there are, could 
I have one."


The farmer thought it impossible and told the blonde it was okay.


"637", said the blonde.


The farmer was amazed that the blonde had guessed the exact 
number, but lived up to his bargain.


"I'll take that feisty one over there", said the blonde.


Then the farmer said to the blonde, "Okay, now if I guess the 
real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?



3. 




"Doctor, doctor!" shouted the woman coming into the doctors offfice.  "I
think I'm turning into a man"  then the doctor says,  " Now hold on
little lady  what makes you think that you're turning into a man?"  "
Well" said the woman "I'm starting to grow hair on my chest" and then
the  doctor asked, " Well then, how far down your chest is your hair
growing? " and then she replied,  "All the way down to my dick".

4. 




Pillsbury Dough Boy wanted for attempted murder



A lady named Linda went to Arkansas last week to visit her in-laws,
and while there, went to a store.  She parked next to a car with a woman
sitting in it, her eyes closed and hands behind her head, apparently
sleeping.  When Linda came out a while later, she again saw the woman,
her hands still behind her head but with her eyes open.

The woman looked very strange, so Linda tapped on the window and said,
"Are you okay?"  The woman answered, "I've been shot in the head, and I
am holding my brains in."

Linda didn't know what to do, so she ran into the store, where store
workers called the paramedics.  They had to break into the car because
the door was locked.  When they got in, they found that the woman had
bread dough on the back of her head and in her hands.

A Pillsbury biscuit cannister had exploded, apparently from the heat
in the car, making a loud explosion like that of a gunshot, and hit her
in the head. When she reached back to find what it was, she felt the
dough and thought it was her brains.  She passed out from fright at
first, then attempted to hold her brains in.



5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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