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Today's jokes [12.9.11]

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Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. 
"Does your wife ever ... well, you know ... does she ... well, let 
you do it doggie style?" asked one of the two. 

"Well, not exactly," his friend replied, "She's into the dog trick 
aspect of it." 

"Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?" 

"Well... not exactly. More like she rolls over and plays dead."

1. 




A crowd had gathered around a whore and they were about to stone her.
Jesus stepped in front of her and said: "Let he who is without sin, cast 
the first stone."
From the back of the crowd came this stone which hit Jesus on the head and 
knocked him down. Jesus turned and looked in that direction and said: "You 
know mom, sometimes you really piss me off."

2. 




The Importance Of "Correct Punctuation"

Dear John:

I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, 
thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and 
inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no 
feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let 
me be yours?

Gloria

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear John:

I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, 
thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and 
inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no 
feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you 
let me be?

Yours,
Gloria

3. 




At The Superbowl

   Bob received a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company.
   Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realizes the seat is
   in the last row in the corner of the stadium -- he is closer to the
   Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first
   quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the
   50 yard line. He decided to take a chance and makes his way through
   the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat.
   As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse
   me, is anyone sitting here?"
   The man said "no".
   Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob said to the
   man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would
   have a seat like this at the Superbowl and not use it?!"
   The man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was
   supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first
   Superbowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."
   "That's really sad," says Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone
   to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?"
   "No," the man replied, "they're all at the funeral."


4. 




What is green and eats nuts? 

    Herpes! 

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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