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Today's jokes [12.31.11]

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The Arkansas lad was obviously deeply troubled.
"Why so glum, Chum?" asked the kindly stranger.
"If my parents get divorced...will they still be brother and sister?"



1. 




What do you call Toys R' Us in the hood?

We B Toyz N' Shit

2. 




What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
"Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"

What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses
in the distance?
Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.

What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
"Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"


3. 




SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

4. 




   A man and his dog walk into a bar for a drink. The bartender sees the
   two and immediately decries, "Sorry sir, no dogs allowed in this bar."
   
   The man turns to the bartender and explains that this is no ordinary
   dog but a dog that likes to go down on women. The bartender notices
   the dog is quite mellow and doesn't feel like arguing with the man so
   he lets them stay.
   
   The waitress hears this and approaches the man telling him she would
   like to see this for herself. He agrees and she says, "I'll go
   upstairs and you send up the dog in 5 minutes."
   
   The man does and about 15 minutes later she comes back down angry,
   telling him the dog had just lain there doing nothing. The man replies
   that this has never been the case before, and offers to coach the dog,
   to which she agrees.
   
   They both go upstairs and she undresses and he tells the dog to do his
   thing and once again, the dog just lays there.
   
   The man looks over at the dog and says, "alright but I'm only gonna
   show you one more time.........."
   


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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