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Today's jokes [12.29.11]

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A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his
neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it's
his turn to be waited on.

A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase
and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and asked
the dog what it wanted today.

The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef,
and the butcher said, "How many pounds?" The dog barked twice, so the
butcher made a package of two pounds ground beef. He then said,
"Anything else?" The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butcher
said, "How many?" The dog barked four times, and the butcher made up
a package of four pork chops.

The dog walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could get
at the purse and take out the appropriate amount of money before
tying the two packages of meat around the dog's neck.

The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow the
dog. The dog walked for several blocks and then walked up to a house
where it began to scratch the door to be let in.

As the owner opened the door, the man called to the owner, "That's a
really smart dog you have there."

"He's not really all that smart," the owner replied.

"This is the second time this week he forgot his key."

1. 




Why does a Jewish American Princess close her eyes during sex? 

     She can't stand it to see her husband enjoy himself. 

2. 




Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So
they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they
end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the
elephant, sees its willy, points to it and says, "Mummy, what
is that long thing?" 
His mother replies, "That, son, is the elephant's trunk." 
"No, at the other end."
"That, son is the tail." 
"No, mummy, the thing under the elephant." 
A short embarrassed silence after which she replies,
"That's nothing." 
The mother goes to buy some ice-cream and the boy, not being
satisfied with her answer, asks his father the same question.
"Daddy, what is that long thing?" 
"That's the trunk, son," replies the father.
"No at the other end." 
"Oh, that is the tail." 
"No, no daddy, the thing below," asks the son in desperation. 
"That is the elephants penis. Why do you ask son?" 
"Well mummy said it was nothing," says the boy. 
Replies the father: "I tell you, I spoil that woman ..." 


3. 




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Does your boyfriend sing " The shrimp boats are coming"?
Do you make people vomit in the elevator?
Try FDS!
Feminnine hygene spray! two squirts will 'twinkle your twat'



4. 




Q: Mommy, Mommy! When will we have this nice yellow pudding again?
A: Shut up, you know that grandma's leg is no longer infested.


5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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