Today's jokes [12.28.11]
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This guy unexpectedly got the day off and decided he would
spend it on the golf course. After arriving at the club house,
he was told that the only way he could play today was if he
was willing to play along with three nuns.
He agreed and set off with the nuns in tow. At the first hole
he said, after you, and the nuns insisted that he go first.
He took a giant swing and sliced it into a nearby bunker.
"Goddammit!" he said.
"Oh, my, please refrain from using that kind of language
around us." said the nun.
"I'm so sorry, ma'am, it won't happen again."
The nun gets up to the tee and her ball travels about twenty
yards, hits a tree, and bounces back behind them.
"Well shit, Goddamn, hell, fuck!" exclaims the nun.
"Hey, what did you tell me about that?" asks the man.
"Yeah, well, you didn't hit a fuckin' tree."
If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, then how do they get baby oil?
For all animal lovers out there:
How do you make a cat go 'woof'?
Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.
How do you make a dog go 'miaow'?
Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw...
How do you know when the barmaid is really pissed off?
When you find a string in your bloody mary.
A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his
father's house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out
a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard
a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl's
"What's this," she asked.
"Taste it," he replied, "If you like it, I'll give you a whole one!"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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