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Today's jokes [12.27.11]

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A furrier from the US goes to Helsinki to buy furs.
He arranges for a hooker to be sent to his room.

When they're done, he said, "I'm afraid my
Finnish isn't too good."

The hooker replied, "Your foreplay ain't all
that hot either."



1. 




The contemplative routine of the convent was being disrupted 
by the presence of workmen converting the electrical service 
from overhead lines to buried cable. Mother Superior called 
the electric company's complaint department to ask for help.

"The profanity these men use constantly is unsuitable for our 
community. You must make them stop cursing so much.", said 
the nun.

"Very well, sister. But you must make allowances for their 
habits. Even when they are trying to be tactful, they will still 
tend to call a spade a spade.", said the company 
spokeswoman.

Mother superior then observed, "I think the term they actually 
use is 'fucking shovel'".



2. 




It was their first date, and she'd shown the patience of a saint 
as he babbled on and on about his hobbies, his pet peeves, his 
driving techniques, and even the standards he used to choose 
his barber.

Finally, he came up for air and said, "But enough about me. 
Let's talk about you." 

She breathed a sigh of relief.

He went on, "What do you think about me?"

3. 




Most dentists chairs go up and down, don't they?
The one I was in went back and forwards.
I thought, "This is unusual."
The dentist said to me,  "Mr. Owens, get out of the filing cabinet."


4. 




Have you heard about the new Mechanical Whore?

    -She gives a licking and keeps on ticking. 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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