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Today's jokes [12.22.11]

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"You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in
common," said the new tenant's neighbor.  "Why on earth
did you get married?"

"I suppose it was the old business of 'opposites attract',"
was the reply.  "He wasn't pregnant and I was."

1. 




Homer:  Boy, you don't have to follow in my footsteps.
Bart:   Don't worry, I don't even like using the bathroom after you.
Homer:  Why you little -- !

2. 




Two very hot-headed people lived directly across the halls from each
other.  Dave got a piece of 1/2" rope and tied their doors together with
about a 6" gap of slack.  Waited until 2:30am and knocked REALLY HARD on
both doors.

Interesting way to wake up...having two steaming mad football jerks
slamming each other's doors open and shut.  The Resident Advisor was NOT
pleased :-)




3. 




   Jay: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can't get to
   heaven?
   Ted: No, but the more you smoke the quicker you'll get there.


4. 




What has four legs and smells like fish? 

    Clinton's desk. 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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