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Today's jokes [12.21.11]

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   Two Irish lads had been out shacking up with their girl friends. One
   felt guilty and decided
   he should stop at the church and confess.
   He went into the confession booth and told the Father, "Father, I have
   sinned. I have
   committed fornication with a lady. Please forgive me."
   The Father said, "Tell me who the lady was."
   The lad said he couldn't do that and the Father said he couldn't grant
   him forgiveness
   unless he did.
   "Was it Mollie O'Grady?" asked the Father."
   "No."
   "Was it Rosie Kelly?"
   "No."
   "Was it that red-headed wench Tessie O'Malley?"
   "No."
   "Well then," said the Father, "You'll not be forgiven."
   When the lad met his friend outside the friend asked, "So, did you
   find forgiveness."
   "No," said the other, "but I picked up three good prospects!"
   


1. 




A man goes to a psychiatrist. To start things off, the psychiatrist
suggests they start with a Rorschach Test. He holds up the first
picture and asks the man what he sees.
"A man and a woman making love in a park," the man replies.
The psychiatrist holds up the second picture and asks the man what
he sees.
"A man and a woman making love in a boat."
He holds up the third picture.
"A man and a woman making love at the beach."
This goes on for the rest of the set of pictures; the man says he
sees a man and a woman making love in every one of the pictures.
At the end of the test, the psychiatrist looks over his notes and
says, "It looks like you have a preoccupation with sex."
And the man replies, "Well, you're the one with the dirty pictures." 

2. 




A New York boy was being led through the swamps of
Louisiana by his cousin. "Is it true that an alligator won't
attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
The cousin smirked and replied, "Depends on how fast ya
carry the flashlight."

3. 




A young lady walks into a doctors office. "Doctor I'm suffering from a 
terrible discharge" The Doctor lays her down lifts up her dress and has a 
good probe around and says "how does that feel?" Young lady, "Oooh doctor 
that feels lovely..... ...but the discharge is from my ear!!"

4. 




The Doctor tells his patient that he has H-E-G-S
"What's that?", the patient asks.
"It's a combination of Herpes, Encephalitis, Gonorrhea and Syphyllis."
The patient wants to know if there's a cure, to which the Doctor responds,
"We have to keep you in a hospital room and feed you nothing but
pancackes."
"Why only pancackes?", asks the patient.
The Doctor answers, "They're the only thing that will fit under the door."



5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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