Today's jokes [12.15.11]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
It's so easy to milk a cow. Any jerk can do it.
In 1993, the University of Kentucky did a study to see why the head of
a man's penis was
larger than the shaft. After one year and $ 80,000.00, they concluded
that the reason the
head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure
After the study was published, the University of South Carolina
decided to do their own
study. After $250,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that
the reason was to
give the woman more pleasure during sex.
The University of Georgia, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted
their own study.
After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was
to keep a man's
hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.
Will sell for parts one F-117 Plane in wrecked condition. Self pick-up
from Yugoslavia by buyer
NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGE
It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been
using foul language during the execution of their duties. Due to
complaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type of
language will no longer be tolerated.
We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properly
express their feelings when communicating with other employees. With
this in mind, the Human Resources Department has compiled a list of
code phrases so proper exchange of ideas/information can continue in
an effective manner without risking offence to our more sensitive
Old Phrase New Phrase
1. No fucking way I'm fairly sure that this is not feasible
2. Your fucking joking Really
3. Tell someone who gives a fuck Have you run that by................
4. No cunt told me I was not involved in that project
5. I don't have the fucking time Perhaps I can work late
6. Who fucking cares Are you sure that is the problem
7. Eat shit and die You don't say
8. Eat shit and die motherfucker You don't say, Sir
9. Kiss my arse So you would like me to help you
10. He's a fucking prick He is somewhat insensitive
11. That's fucking bullshit I find that hard to believe
12. You haven't got a fucking clue You could benefit from more training
13. This place is fucked We are a little disorganised today
14. What sort of fucker are you You're new here aren't you?
15. Fuck off shit head Well there you go
16. You're a fucking wanker You're my manager and I respect you
17. Ha! Fuck you I wasn't there that day
18. This is bollocks We need to look into this some more
19. I aint got no cunt I am rather short of labour
20. Fuck off I'll look into that and get back to you
A strained voice called out through the darkened
theater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?!"
Several men stood up as the lights came on.
An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her,
"Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in
a date with a good, Jewish girl?"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31