Today's jokes [12.13.11]
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An eminent teacher and thinker once expressed his philosophy of life
succinctly. "When it all boiled down to the essence of truth," the
philosopher said, "one just live by a dogís rule of life: If you canít eat
it or fuck it, piss on it!!!"
A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife
" Hi, is Tony home?"
" No, he went to the store."
"Well, you mind if I wait?"
" No, come in."
They sit down and the friend says, "You know Nora, you have the
greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I
could just see one."
Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a
hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks
her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Chris says, "They are so beautiful
I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks
if I could just see the both of them together."
Nora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and
gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred
bucks on the table, and then says he can't wait any longer and leaves.
A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says, "You know, your
weird friend Chris came over. "
Tony thinks about this for a second and says "Well did he drop off the
200 bucks he owes me?"
Q:What's another term for lesbian?
One night the Norse god Thor was feeling a bit horny so he decided to
come down to earth
to satisfy his needs. He picked up a good looking woman with a great
shape and they went
to her apartment she only had one small problem, she had a speech
impediment, but this
didn't affect their sex. They went at it hot and heavy all night long
then in the morning
Thor had to leave so he decided he should at least tell her his name,
so he said to her, "I'm
Mighty Thor and I have to leave now." She looked at him and said,
"You're thore I'm tho
thore I can hardly pith."
A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a
lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and
said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.
He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant
"All right. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go
After a while, the customer returned to the office and said,
"A long time. We're gonna build a house."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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