Today's jokes [11.9.11]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, "Who here
has ever seen a ghost?" Most of the hands go up. "And how many of you have
had some form of interaction with a ghost?" About half the hands stay up.
"OK, now how many of you have had physical contact with a ghost?" Three
hands stay up; there's a slight murmur in the crowd. "Gosh, that's pretty
good. OK, have any of you ever, uh, been intimate with a ghost?" One hand
stays up. The speaker blinks. "Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you've
actually had sexual contact with a ghost?" The guy with his hand up
suddenly blushes and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you said "goat'."
Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad
news and good
news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and
will need help
eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
Warning - English Joke!
UK-US Translation Guide:
"Aussie" = Australian
"Shag" = To have sex with
An Aussie was marooned on a desert island. His only companions were a
male dog and a female koala. The dog and koala hit it off, and for a
year the Aussie could only sit and watch while the dog humped the
"Lucky bastard!" thought the Aussie, "I could do with a good shag
One day a beautiful naked blonde was washed up on the beach.
"Hi. I'll do anything you want me to," she said to the Aussie.
"Great!!! At last, after all this time!!! Take the dog for a walk,
love, while I shag this koala."
What would you rather be, a light bulb or a bowling ball?
Depends on whether you'd rather be screwed of fingered.
A guy was in a bar, and asked for some milk. So in turn a pregnant topless
dancer got on the bar and squeezed the milk out of her tits. He looked at
this and said to himself, "I would hate to see how they give out bloody
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26
27 28 29 30