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Today's jokes [11.8.11]

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Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, "Bless me
father for I have sinned.  I have been with a loose woman."

The Priest says, "Is that you, Tommy?
Tommy says "Yes father, it's me."
The Priest says "Who was the woman you were with?"
Tommy says "I cannot tell you, father, because I don't want
to ruin her reputation."
The priest asks, "Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
Tommy replies "No, father."
The priest asks, "Was it Fiona MacDonald?"
Tommy replies "No."
The priest asks, "Was it Ann Brown?"
Tommy replies "No."
The priest asks, "Was it Mary Elizabeth O'Shea?"
Tommy replies "No, father."
The priest asks, "Was it Amy Thomas?"
Tommy replies "No, father."
The priest asks, "Was it little Cathy Morgan?"
Tommy replies "NO father! I cannot tell you."

The priest finally says, "Tommy, I admire your perseverance,
but you must atone for your sins. Your penance will be four
'Our Fathers' and five 'Hail Mary's'. Now go back to your

Tommy walks back to his pew and his buddy Sean slides over
and whispers, "What happened?!"
"Well, I got four Our Fathers, five Hail Marys, and six
good leads."


It was a somber day in Disney land, Mickey And Minnie were in divorce court.. 
The judge was about to make his decision he said 'Im sorry mickey, I cant 
grant you a divorce based on your statement that Minnie has prominant teeth"

Mickey retorted " I DIDNT SAY SHE had prominent teeth, I SAID SHE WAS FUCKING GOOFY!!


I used to not get on with my mother-in-law, but over the last few months 
I've developed quite an attachment for her.
It goes over her head and a strap comes down under her chin to keep her 
mouth shut! 


A man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothel.
He went up to the pimp, and asked him what he had. 
The pimp showed him a blonde whore for $50, but she was
far too expensive. 
The pimp then showed him a brunette for $10, but she was
also too expensive. 
Finally the pimp showed him a whore for $1, who happened
to have her legs open ready. 
The man agreed, but the pimp said he must wear a black condom. 
So the man wore the condom and bonked his heart out and had
the time of his life. He enjoyed it so much he went back the
next day for the same $1 whore, and again had to wear a black
Again the prostitute had her legs open ready. 
When he went the day after, he asked the pimp why he must wear
a black condom? 
The pimp told him "To show respect for the dead." 


Three Republicans walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "We don't serve Republicans here."
The Republicans say, "That's OK...We don't serve you either.


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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