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Today's jokes [11.6.11]

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"Dad," said the boy, "we had a spelling contest in school today, 
and I missed on the very first word." 

"That's too bad Son." consoled the Father, 
"What was the word ?" 

"Posse." 

1. 




   I was out with one of my best drinking buddies, George, and he was
   talking about marriage, and then his wife. He drank some, then said,
   "Well, what it comes down to Jimmy, is...   well...   my wife knows
   nothing of my wants and needs...   she's hardly ever in the mood for
   sex...   I guess what it comes down to is that my wife just doesn't
   understand me at all, does yours ?"
   
   I thought about it a minute or two, then said. "I don't think so
   George, as a matter of fact, I don't recall her ever even mentioning
   your name at all."


2. 




What is the loose skin around the pussy called?

    -The woman. 

3. 




   A fellow walks into a bar, and his eye is quickly drawn to a large
   glass bowl filled with ten dollar bills. Intrigued, he asks the
   bartender why the bowl is there. The bartender explains that it's an
   ongoing challenge at this particular bar.
   
   "For ten bucks you get a shot at three tasks -- if you complete them
   all successfully, you'll get yer ten bucks back, along with the rest
   of the money."
   
   The fellow expresses an interest in the idea.
   
   "Well," says the bartender, "it sounds a lot easier than it really is.
   A lot of guys haven't been able to hack it. You gotta drink a whole
   one of those kegs in the corner over there -- then there's this crazy
   mad pit bull out back, through that door -- he's crazy on account of
   he's got an infected tooth, so you'll have to pull that."
   
   Some of the regulars start to pay attention to the guy, so he inflates
   his chest and prods the bartender on.
   
   "Well," says the bartender, "then you gotta -- upstairs is the lady
   who owns this place -- she's pretty old, but you gotta -- well, you
   gotta make her finish if you know what I mean."
   
   "Bring her to orgasm?" asks the fellow.
   
   "Yup," says the bartender. "That's the third thing."
   
   Without hesitation, the guy proudly places a new ten dollar bill into
   the bowl, and sets off to the nearest keg in the corner. The regulars
   stare on, having seen many men fail.
   
   After successfully draining the keg in record time, the man makes his
   way out the back door, surprisingly staggering very little. For a good
   half hour, painful sounds of growling and crashing come through the
   wall as the regulars shoot knowing looks in each other's directions.
   
   As the clamor outside subsides, and the bartender starts to add ten to
   the running total cash pot, the fellow staggers in through the back
   door, bloody, clothing in shreds, with a determined look in his eye.
   The others look on in amazement as he claps his hands together and
   says,
   
   "Alright, now where's that ugly old lady needs her fuckin' tooth
   pulled?"
   


4. 




Why didnt NASA send a woman to the moon yet?

Because it does not need to be cleaned!

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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