Today's jokes [11.6.11]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
"Dad," said the boy, "we had a spelling contest in school today,
and I missed on the very first word."
"That's too bad Son." consoled the Father,
"What was the word ?"
I was out with one of my best drinking buddies, George, and he was
talking about marriage, and then his wife. He drank some, then said,
"Well, what it comes down to Jimmy, is... well... my wife knows
nothing of my wants and needs... she's hardly ever in the mood for
sex... I guess what it comes down to is that my wife just doesn't
understand me at all, does yours ?"
I thought about it a minute or two, then said. "I don't think so
George, as a matter of fact, I don't recall her ever even mentioning
your name at all."
What is the loose skin around the pussy called?
A fellow walks into a bar, and his eye is quickly drawn to a large
glass bowl filled with ten dollar bills. Intrigued, he asks the
bartender why the bowl is there. The bartender explains that it's an
ongoing challenge at this particular bar.
"For ten bucks you get a shot at three tasks -- if you complete them
all successfully, you'll get yer ten bucks back, along with the rest
of the money."
The fellow expresses an interest in the idea.
"Well," says the bartender, "it sounds a lot easier than it really is.
A lot of guys haven't been able to hack it. You gotta drink a whole
one of those kegs in the corner over there -- then there's this crazy
mad pit bull out back, through that door -- he's crazy on account of
he's got an infected tooth, so you'll have to pull that."
Some of the regulars start to pay attention to the guy, so he inflates
his chest and prods the bartender on.
"Well," says the bartender, "then you gotta -- upstairs is the lady
who owns this place -- she's pretty old, but you gotta -- well, you
gotta make her finish if you know what I mean."
"Bring her to orgasm?" asks the fellow.
"Yup," says the bartender. "That's the third thing."
Without hesitation, the guy proudly places a new ten dollar bill into
the bowl, and sets off to the nearest keg in the corner. The regulars
stare on, having seen many men fail.
After successfully draining the keg in record time, the man makes his
way out the back door, surprisingly staggering very little. For a good
half hour, painful sounds of growling and crashing come through the
wall as the regulars shoot knowing looks in each other's directions.
As the clamor outside subsides, and the bartender starts to add ten to
the running total cash pot, the fellow staggers in through the back
door, bloody, clothing in shreds, with a determined look in his eye.
The others look on in amazement as he claps his hands together and
"Alright, now where's that ugly old lady needs her fuckin' tooth
Why didnt NASA send a woman to the moon yet?
Because it does not need to be cleaned!
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26
27 28 29 30